When your single. It's easy to ID the toxic people in your life-the jobless wonder always crashing on you're couch, the pretty college pal who always hits on guys you like. But once your married, things get a little foggier. You're preoccupied with your new best friend (that would be the person snoring next to you, fyi)and may not notice that other connections have become..kind of strained. Bonds with single friends that used to be so strong can spark weird feelings-jealousy, resentment, annoyance. Friendships with married couples can creep into competitive, even flirtatious territory and become unhealthy for your relationship. It's no one's fault-it's just pure chemical combustion. Put you + them in a room, shake, and release-you've got a toxic combination that gets under your skin and can cause bad feelings to bubble to the surface. So how do you know who might be polluting your life?..
( This was a from a previous blog i had on myspace. I had to bring it back and i also have a bit more input to add);
1)The competitive Couple:
Get some distance. you don't need that kind of energy in your life or friends who cant be happy for you unless their lives are somehow better. Also, console yourself with the knowledge that a couple who feels the need to compete is insecure about their own marriage. Who knows? Maybe the only sex he's having is with himself.
2)The Bickerson Couple:
Do you really want to soak in all that bad couple karma? Hello-if you wanted to watch a couple duke it out, you'd watch some reruns of IN TREATMENT on HBO with a pint of Ben & Jerrys Phish food. But if you cant (or wont) phase them out of your life, don't let their baggage rub off on you. You need to learn the art of changing the subject the next time you're all together. The couple probably has no clue how awful they sound since the bickering has become such a regular pattern for them at home.
3) The Jet Setting Bachelor/Bachelorette:
There's something really comforting about married life,knowing that you and your spouse will be eating together, playing house together, and having sex together for the rest of your lives. Life has changed from lots of glittering question marks to one safe, happy period. It's not bad, it's just so permanent.
Meanwhile, over at the singles table, your friends are busy being unattached, having crazy hookups,and moving to London for 6 months(just because). On one hand, you say to yourself, "Thank god that part of my life is over" but on the other, you cant help getting a pang for their person you used to be-the free agent who didn't know what exciting trip or person was around the corner.
Your friend isn't doing anything wrong, they're just carpe-dieming. It's you who's sucking negative energy from the situation. Change your perspective. You had your own days of swinging single fun(hopefully), but you were lucky enough to find someone to give all that up for.
4) The flirty Spouse:
You'd think that once a person walks down the aisle, they'd leave a lot of their shady behavior behind. Nope, doesn't always work like that. Some marrieds even feel that they can flirt more freely, playing it off like "Huh, what? It was innocent; im married" Funny, but if your at a party and your friends spouse is trying to give you a back rub while slurring in your ear that you're, "soooooo ssssssexy" It certainly doesn't feel that innocent. Although the person you need to feel badly for is your friend who's married to the serial flirt, think about what your partner may be feeling. Even though you have no intention of acting on this person's advances, It's disrespectful to your partner to let it happen in the first place. While you cant exactly tell this person to get the hell off of you, you need to find a way to wiggle free from them.
I always speak my mind. If i do not agree with someone because i think they are doing something wrong i will tell them. I have no problem holding back what i think is right and wrong. Speaking of toxic people for the married couple i had someone i was "friends/acquaintances" with a while back. As i always do, i gave this girl the benefit of the doubt and tried to be "friends' with her. Josh had bad vibes about her from day one and my husband has very good judgement on people but i decided i needed to see that for myself. I hung out with her a few times. In conclusion josh was right about this girl. She was someone who wanted way too much attention from people other then her husband, was insecure about herself (so you always had to hear her pity party), she did not treat her husband right at all (she always made him look so worthless not to mention the things she did when he wasn't around that i heard about from people) she just had an on-going life of complaints. So i stopped talking to her. Josh was right, why would i want someone like that in my life. When we are completely happy why would we wanna surround ourselves with people who are not? This girl was a perfect example of the toxic people that try and make their way into our lives....I got an e-mail from this person not too long ago saying "you do this to friends Stephani, i have heard from countless people that amount of trash you have talked on me"......The funny thing is, i simply weed out the bad people in my life. As Josh always says "you always give people the benefit of the doubt and the minute you see a side of them that is negative or can create a problem you no longer associate your self with those people anymore" and that is so true! That is also why i have a happy marriage. Lastly, i don't talk trash on anyone. I would never say anything to hurt another person because i would never want hurtful things said about me. However i do speak my mind and if i don't agree with you and or your actions and you broadcast issues i dont agree with then I'm gonna let you know......As i have said before, aside from my former best friend...certain people are not in my life anymore for a reason : )