Monday, November 17, 2014

The time we needed to just get a way, for a day, just the TWO of us.

About a week ago my husband and I had a wedding to go to. My husband worked that day but we planned on going to the reception once he got off work. I went to the mall that afternoon in hopes to find a dress to wear, I wasn’t in the mood to shop to begin with, but needed to find at least something nice to wear.

Atiana was super fussy that morning, getting out the door took forever and once we finally made it out the door she decided to scream the whole way to the mall. I was hoping once I got her out of her car seat and into the stroller she would calm down. Well, that didn’t happen. The first store we went into she screamed, not even crying, just screaming. I gave her a Sippy cup with milk to try and calm her and she threw it across the store, so embarrassing. I grabbed a couple of random dresses, parked Atiana in the dressing room with me and tried on the dresses. She was quiet for the time being because I placed her directly in front of the mirror. I barely had any room to try anything on, I felt completely rushed because I didn’t know if she was going to have another tantrum or not and everything I did try on made me feel fat and just didn’t look good on me at all.

I left with nothing and decided I would try and walk around the mall in hopes that Atiana would take a nap. That lasted all about 5 minutes before the screaming started AGAIN. She didn’t want to be in the stroller, she just wanted to be held and there was no way I was going to get any shopping done carrying her. So, I decided shopping was out of the question and instead took her to have lunch and then drove home. She knocked out the minute we got into the car and slept for about 2 hours. Obviously she was just overly tired and teething.

Once she woke up I took her to my dad’s so I could attempt to find a dress again. I walked in one store, tried on 4 dresses and left with the first one I tried on. It wasn’t anything special, just a black dress that kind of hid all my flaws at the time. It didn’t make me feel or look fat and it covered up my deflated boobs. I bought some jewelry at the same store to match it and was back at my dad’s within an hour. At this time it was already 3 pm and the reception started at 6. I went back home and packed Atiana’s diaper bag and attempted to at least get my makeup done, but I wasn’t getting far, so instead I packed Atiana’s stuff up, and drove her to my mother-in-laws house a tad bit early so I could get myself ready for the night. I had about 30 minutes to get myself ready once I returned home. I did my makeup, got dresses and just threw my hair in a side bun. I looked like I felt, rushed lol.

We had Josh’s brother drop us off at the wedding and planned on taking a taxi home. It was open bar all night. I don’t know what was wrong with me that night but I just wasn’t able to loosen up. Maybe it had everything to do with how my day went, crying baby, not getting anything done, feeling rushed etc…or maybe it had something to do with how I felt, I felt like I just looked like a mess, like I didn’t put much effort into getting ready or maybe it had something to do with feeling distant from my husband all of a sudden. Maybe it was all these things combined and it was just weighing me down. Anyhow about 2 hours into the reception Josh and I started bickering. What we were bickering over to begin with isn’t important but it escaladed to a few hurtful things being said to one another and after that I was ready to leave. I walked outside to call a cab when a couple of our friends came out to talk to me. They just reminded me that right now we are both stressed because we have so much going on. One of our friends said something that really got to me, he said “You guys are Josh and Steph, you’re always happy”. He was right, we are always happy, we rarely ever fight because we ALWAYS communicate. We do pretty much everything together and we tell each other everything without holding back anything. So what happened, what made us both snap at one another? Shortly after, Josh came outside. He apologized and wanted to just forget about it all and go back to the wedding but I just couldn’t. I’m not good at acting fake or like nothings bothering me. If I’m upset, it’s very obvious and I didn’t want to kill anyone else’s mood. So we called a taxi to take us home early.

It took the taxi about 45 minutes to get there so we spent that 45 minutes talking about what upset us so much. Basically it came down to the fact that we have both been so busy, Josh with work and side jobs, and me with working and then trying to take care of all the home stuff on my own and still managing to find time for myself. Normally Josh and I share all of our household responsibilities because we are both working parents, but for the past week or two I’ve had to do them all by myself and I felt burned out and tired, and he’s been busting his butt at work to make extra money to pay for my surgery, so he’s exhausted and stressed out too. For the first time we realized we hadn’t been communicating like we normally do, and we felt disconnected from one another. We hugged, we cried and we hugged some more. We both realized we needed time alone together, time to reconnect, to talk and listen to one another. Stressing out and being this busy was causing us to drift away from who we are as a couple and it that is not ok.

The next day I called my best friend and asked her for a huge favor. I asked her if she would mind watching Atiana overnight one night so that Josh and I could have a night alone. Not just a night alone from Atiana but from the animals and household chores too. She immediately said yes and offered to watch her that Friday night. We had a wedding to go to that night so we decided to rented a hotel room walking distance from the reception and just enjoy the night together. We've only been away for the night from Atiana once since she's been born and that was when she only 3 months old. We have date nights often but we never leave her overnight. This night was much needed, we had such a great time. We were worry free and able to enjoy each other completely. It felt like it wasn't that long ago when it was just the two of us doing this often. The next morning we got up and went to breakfast, just the two of us, and then drove back home and had Atiana back in our arms by 9:30 a.m. : ) Needless to say, we can both agree that we felt completely refreshed and completely connected after that night.

The truth of the matter is having a baby changes so much about your life. Life becomes 1,000 times busier, especially if you’re both working parents. You HAVE to continue to have alone time, time to connect as a couple and continue to keep your marriage alive. Luckily for Josh and I, Atiana goes to bed pretty early and once she's in bed we sit down and relax with a glass of wine and catch up on our day. We make it a point to stay connected and always communicate about everything! However, all it takes is one crazy work week to throw us off and we are both on edge because we haven't had the time to sit down and communicate and connect. Communication is EVERYTHING in a relationship, it really is. When we communicate we feel so connected to our partner and when we don't we feel so far away from them. My husband has always been something special, he's a man of his word, a man that never goes a day without making me feel appreciated and wanted. I feel blessed to have married someone who knows me better than I know myself sometimes, someone who is so selfless and truly cares about his family more than he does himself.

To my wonderful husband (because I know you will read this): I love you with all of my heart. We don't fight often and I know that's because we communicate about EVERYTHING. However, I appreciate the little fights we do have because I truly feel those little fights are indicators that our communication is slipping a bit and they bring us back to where we should be. God placed the perfect man in my life and I'm thankful for that every single day. I can't help but brag about the man you are because I think men like you don't come around often and I know that I've truly scored with you : ) Thank you for always keeping our marriage spontaneous, fun, exciting, full of love and full of so many laughs. Thank you for showing me a kind of love I've never experienced with anyone else before, it's indescribable head over heels kind of love. And thank you for being the absolute best father to our beautiful daughter. It’s crazy how falling so in love with someone makes you want to create a life together and then how obsessed you become with that little life you've created together. I am so obsessed with you and this life we have together. I love you so very much. Thank you for giving me a life that I thought only existed in movies. You are the PERFECT ONE : )