Saturday, September 26, 2009


Having a baby is something Josh and I have talked about many times. My mind has changed so many times on wanting or not wanting to have kids. I love my time with Josh and I love that we can just take our animals and do whatever we want with nothing holding us back. Right now i cant imagine sharing my time with anyone other then my husband and that's how i know we are not near ready to have kids. Not to mention the thought of my animals being put on the back burner when they have been my kids for the last few years makes me sad to think about!
When we got married and bought our home we decided that 5 years after we got married would be perfect. In 5 years our house payment will have dropped. The hummer will be paid off. The couple credit cards we have will be long paid off and we ourselves will be more stable. We will be near 3o with not much debt outside of owning a home and will by then possibly be able to buy another home in Oregon (next to Dad) to raise a family in and rent this one out. We wont have to work as much and i can be home to raise the little one because i dont want anyone else raising our baby. When we decide to have a baby i want to be able to give he/she everything i can out of life, I want to be 100% ready and i want to start a family somewhere that feels much more safe. That is what we have planned thus far....We have always stuck with our goals and plans so i know we can do it...However Josh brought up something the other night that really got me thinking...
For those of you who are Christian and who follow the lord, go to church and keep up with this crazy world and everything that is taking place then you will know what im talking about....Every pastor we listen to and the more i read and learn the bible and hear about the events taking place in this world right now the more both Josh and i Start realizing the Lord is coming soon....Soon as in maybe Josh and I will never have kids and if we dont then i know its ok because this was God's plan, but at the same time it is kind of scary to think about......And do i really want to bring a child into this crazy dangerous world we are living in right now?? When i think about it the answer is NO, society is so different now, life is different now, morals are different now..everything is changing and from going to church and reading the bible and listening to the pastors on 107.9 this world is only going to get worse. I want to continue to grow with the Lord with Josh leading the way and i pray that everyone in my life gets to know him and gets close with him too...I want to see all my loved one's in heaven and i dont want to see anyone LEFT BEHIND...i dont at all mean to sound like im preaching, but please read about the Rapture if you have time and get close with the lord as no one knows how soon he is coming but we know it is soon enough.....7 years of tribulations is when the biggest events ever will take place on's still not too late to submit yourself to the lord....and once again im left with the thought of "will josh and i ever have kids"......


  1. I understand exactly where you're coming from and remember having your same thoughts a few years back. Please don't forget about the maternal instincts our Lord has given us and all the times the Bible mentions the family unit and the importance of it or how children are a gift straight from God, a true miracle. There is nothing better than seeing God's work through your own children and all the miracles and rewards that come with it. I don’t fear this world and the corrupt craziness it has but think more about the difference Heidi is going to bring to her generation and doing my part so that she has a place in heaven, knowing that makes me smile everyday.
    My pets are still my children and I don't feel in anyway they've been put on the back burner but have actually benefited from it, they all love Heidi. I remember Tanner sleeping by Heidi’s crib like he was watching over her, the smallest cry he’d jump up and run over to me to get my attention; it was the sweetest thing to see even his maternal instincts! Aside from the tail pulling and the accidental eye gouge ever now and then, they love the extra rub downs by her little hands, the kisses and hugs by a little human that's closer to their eye level and oh how they LOVE to lick her hands and face after a meal, what a treat!
    I really hope that you get to experience motherhood; I have no doubt that you're going to be an extraordinary mommy. Don't over think what comes natural, plans, lists and goals comes secondary to God’s will. Like I said I remember having the same reserves you have, in the beginning I use to have to make a conscious effort day to make sure that the things Matt and I enjoyed before Heidi didn’t go ignored but just tweaked a little to include Heidi.
    Steph, please don’t take this comment the wrong way, I only intend to give you my perspective and experience after having the same thoughts. :D

  2. Jenni! Thank you for your wonderful words! I know you know what im feeling because in a lot of ways i think you and i were brought up very similar and also fell in love in a way where our husbands are #1 and the thought of anything taking time away from being with them just makes you think life wont ever be the same...I think that comes from being a daddy's girl : ) I love kids, i always have and i always will! They can bring joy to anyone's life and to watch loving parents raise them is so beautiful!!! What you said about the animals put a huge smile on my face...I think that is so true and i need to look at it more like that rather then "my poor animals have to compete with a baby" How i should be looking at it is "they will get even more attention and affection and they will feel even more important then before because they too will help raise a baby with us" I needed to hear that in all honesty. Josh scares me with all he knows about the bible and the other day he put this thought of "maybe we wont ever get to have children" because soooo many believers honestly think this is the last generation and that the lord is coming soon......So when josh said that it made me think.."im trying to do things the right way and wait for another 4 years to have a baby but by waiting that long am i making a mistake"? What if our time left here isnt much longer and i dont get to experience having a baby because i wanted to wait until i felt it was right...I know this all probably sounds like a big mess of confusion but its something i just think about constantly.......There is never a RIGHT time to have a baby, it happens and you learn to love and do everything you need to do to give he/she the best life you possibly can......Again i needed to read everything you wrote and i really appriciate you taking the time to give me some input because i take advice best when i hear it from someone who i know has good morals and values : ) Thanks Jenni!

  3. Steph, I wanted to see your new blog? Very nice! Can I comment? The Lord is coming soon, all of us Christians believe, but the Bible also says nobody knows when. Don't ever let it stop you from making any decision. Also this is a beautiful State, County to start a family and to retire too. I used to get this itch (like everyone else) to move when I was your ages. I lived in Phoenix for a year (school) Colorado for 6 months and Washington State for a few months thinking it was better there, guess what? The same ol same ol there too just different scenery. No safer not any better, just got colder or hotter.It is cheaper to live in some parts of the U.S. only if your retired.I guess unless you experience it you will never know. Don't dwell on anything, it will only make you sad. I had in my young adult age had things too to worry about, so will your kids and their kids and so on. As you get older you will see its a waste of time to worry about the things you CAN'T change:)Change the things you can. You will see! Also think about what would make you happy instead of what not. You are a very positive person!:)
    Your friend Tom

  4. Awww thanks Tom : ) You out of all people know what its like to live life appriciating every moment we are given not to mention you have the biggest heart!!! Josh and I have learned so much from you these last couple years..well josh has always looked up to you : ) because of you i know josh will always push himself to do the best he can to provide for his family. I want to thank you for always motivating him to want to do more!
    I know Josh and I are still very young. We have plenty of time to decide if we want to have children one day or not. Its something i think about often. I just want Josh and I to always be the strong happy couple we are and therefor i want to always make sure we make the right choices together. We talk about moving because my dad will be moving soon and i cant imagine being that far away from him and because i dont want to live the rest of my life working as much as we do now. When we have kids i want to live a much more simple life without the stress we have here...the stress of having to work so much, josh not liking his job etc....i just want to live life comfortable and happy always...