Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Grandpa and Grandpa i miss you...

Last night I called my Dad to ask him if he would go to church with Josh on Sunday since I won't be able to go due to the walk I'm doing with my mother-in-law. Also to ask him if he wanted the extra set of VIP tickets we got to Knott's scary farm (Yes out of everyone and every friend in the world I could have given those tickets to I chose my dad, he is so much fun and there is no one I could think of to go with that I'd have more fun with). Anyway, before I could say anything he said "I need to call you back on my other line, I have something to tell you about grandma" my heart dropped and my eyes started watering "ok, hurry and call me back". He called me nearly a minute later….
My Grandparents have lived in a town called Visalia for years. We would visit them often and I would actually see them more often than my mom's parents. When I was younger I would stay for them for a week or two during summer. I loved my Grandpa Joe and Grandma Dokey (That's a nickname I have called her since I was little) Beverly is her real name. Grandpa was so loud and outgoing! We would go into a grocery store and he would talk to everyone and it would embarrass the heck out of my grandma! He's Italian so I'm sure you can imagine how loud he would get! Grandpa would always tell all my friends, boyfriends and anyone we came across that "Steph is the boss" i use to say that a lot when I was little to anyone who tried to tell me what to do and grandpa always kept it with me!....I miss him…..I remember being in a Taxi on our way home from our cruise to Alaska. Josh and I had just got engaged and I called Dad to tell him we were on our way back home. That's when he broke the news to me…."your grandpa is really sick Steph, he is not going to make it and he has less than a week to live, he is in a hospital bed at home in the living room, they say he won't make it through next week" I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t talk and I couldn’t move. Josh had already known my dad was going to tell me this but no one had told me because they didn’t want to spoil my trip and engagement. I remember our flight back…I didn’t say a word the whole way home. I sat and stared out the window and the tears did not stop even after we landed. Dad picked us up from the airport and immediately drive us up North so I could say Goodbye to Grandpa….I'll never forget the last days of seeing him. He was so frail and so not himself. He asked me if this was some horrible joke being played on him because he felt just fine and all I could do was hug him and say I wasn’t ready for him to go. We left the next day and he passed away. God took away one of the most important people in my life and I was angry for the longest time because of that. I see Grandpa in my dreams every now and then. I cannot tell you how REAL those dreams feel! I wake up with the most swollen eyes ever because all I'm doing when I see him is hugging him, crying and telling him I thought he was gone forever. Every now and then God allows me to see him in my dreams and I am forever thankful for that….I pray he continues to bless me with grandpa's presence when he knows I'm missing him the most!

Since Grandpa has passed my Grandma has been extremely lonely. They did everything together and nothing without each other. He took care of her and because of that she never really learned to do much by herself. She spends her days at home watching TV, building puzzles and still goes to church every Sunday but she is lonely and sad and she hardly ever eats, she is so frail. From day one I have worried she would die of a broken heart I pray she that she is stronger than that and that somewhere she find happiness again.
Yesterday dad told me how bad things are becoming for her. Now she isn’t remembering much at all..She is giving away her credit card info to anyone that calls and has ordered multiple unnecessary items such as TV guides and magazines she doesn’t even read, her house is a mess, she is so thin now from not eating that she barley has energy to walk, she doesn’t ever leave the house and she is so confused at times that all she does is break down and cry. As he is telling me all this and how the family now has to take over her finances and see about getting her into a senior citizens home tears are rolling down my face. This cannot be happening yet! She is not old enough for this to happen, we need her still, and I love her so much! I hang up the phone with him and call her. She sounds normal to me but she goes on to tell me the same stories she always tells me…how she misses my grandpa and wishes I was there so she could see me more. How all she does are puzzles and sit's around the house bored because grandpa is no longer there with her. I asked her if I could pick her up and bring her to our house for a week just to get away and that I would take her to cowboy country to dance and bingo and she said "I'll have to think about honey I don’t know when I can go". There is nothing to think about, she does not do much….she's just afraid to leave the house. Not to mention she told me bingo is something played in a Senior citizens home and she doesn’t feel that old yet..lol I said "grandma I play bingo and I'm not old"… I miss her so much!!! I hope she has many more years left with us and I just wish I could pick her up and have her live with us for a while….Please pray that my grandma stay's strong, that she fights with all her might to overcome this sadness in her heart from losing grandpa and that I can get her down to Lakewood to stay with us for a while! Family means the world to me and I will drop anything for the one's I love.

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