Saturday, January 9, 2010

Who I am today...

There is not a day that goes by that I'm not ever so thankful for where life has taken me thus far. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason and that with patience eventually everything will turn out how you've always imagined. When you are younger, you want so badly to be older and because of that a lot of wrong choices are made along the way of growing up. For every choice i have made along the way of who i am today, i am so so thankful, even if i didn't understand it at the time, i understand now that god had much better plans for me.

My parents divorced my senior year of high school. Senior year is your BIG year full of eventful long lasting memories and while everyone else was enjoying their year, i was sad. If you knew my parents when they were together, then you would never think anything of divorce. My parents had it all, together, they had everything a perfect little family could possibly want, including the endless amount of love.

I'll never forget how hard my senior year was. Watching my dad and brother hurt and watching my mom turn into a person i no longer knew. Where does one go from there?

I was 17 and my brother was 11 when my parents started going through all this mess. We both took different routes in life and i often wonder WHY? All i wanted to do was make things better, i often found myself trying to make both my mom and dad happy when that was not my job as the teenager i was. I should have been enjoying life with friends and going out. Instead i stayed home every night i got home from school to make sure everything was ok at home. I focused harder on school then i ever have and passed my senior year with all A's and one or two B's. After graduating, i stayed home for a full year (no working, no getting my licence to drive, no going to college) I stayed home to make sure my brother stayed out of trouble and to make sure i was there for him because at this point the divorce got messy. Some of you know what i went through and how crazy it got but in the end what the heck made me so strong??

My parents divorce taught me so much. More then anything it taught me how to grow up real fast. I had to be a mom to brother and i had to be there for my dad because he could not take care of himself during this all. I did the laundry, cooked, cleaned while everyone else was out having fun. I tried to take the place of a my mom because i wanted everyone happy again. After about a year, i learned it wasn't my place to try and make everyone happy and so i moved on with my life, went to college and took on two jobs, for once i focused on me.

My brother on the other hand, he got into all the wrong things. When the divorced settled a whole new problem started taking place. I'll never forget all my brother put us through, the worrying, the phone calls we got, the endless nights of just not knowing what was gonna happen next. Thankfully this past year he has changed for the better.

In between all that was going on with my family, i had a boyfriend i was with who just was not the right person for me. 6 years i stayed in a unhealthy relationship, a constant battle. I lost myself for a long time. Forgot who i was and what i was all about because i was trying to make too many other people happy that i had no idea how to make myself happy anymore. With everything i went through during that time, i never relied on anyone other then myself to pick myself back up again and learn to live.

I am who i am today because of these events that took place during what were suppose to be some of the best years of my life. I became strong mentally, i gained confidence i never had before and i learned that in the end you need to find Yourself and learn to make yourself happy before you can make anyone else happy.

Although Josh and I have always had a little thing for one another, dated, were best friends, made out, slept together etc...i am EVER so thankful that none of those times were God's perfect timing for us because back then i was so lost. God knew i needed work before i was ready for my perfect man and God knew Josh needed some work before he was ready for his perfect Woman : )

The day Josh came back into my life, my whole world changed. I found a happiness i never knew existed, i was able to love him in a way i did not think was possible and with this all i was able to be ME again, finally.

Josh, you are my world. I am so thankful for EVERYTHING that has made me who i am today for you and for EVERYTHING that has made you who you are today for me. Loving you is so easy and so fun. I love every bit of who you are. You will always be my love, my best friend, the other half of my heart, my romancer, my freakin weirdo and my husband : ) We have such a strong love, such a strong connection and i know i say this over and over again but I hope everyone in this world gets to experience the kind of love we share...
I love growing everyday with you, i love waking up and going to bed with you, i love our crazy animals and how there is never a dull or clean moment in this house of ours : ) I love your notes i get every Saturday morning and your kisses before you leave to work, I love how ROMANTIC you are because i have always longed for that, I love how you have me busting up laughing almost every night over the smallest of things...I cant wait to live life for US and continue to travel more these next few years and when we are ready to settle down and expand this family of ours, i cant wait to experience that with you either! I love you so much baby : ) xoxo


  1. This is a love many people don't know how to have, you guys are IN LOVE!

  2. Rainy days are good days to sit back, relax in your home and reflect on how wonderful life is... lately you and i have been spending alot of alone time together going out to dinners, being home with our loves hittin up the river bed, and bbqing out back while watching dodado it just makes me so happy to have someone as wonderful as you to love everyday.... i am soooo proud of you honey!!! i cant help but brag to friends and family how dedicated you are and how strong willed you are...i cant wait to c you cross that 26.2 mile finish line baby.... in going to be waiting for you with arms wide open... And now i just got a text from you that you got a promotion. WOW!!!!!!!! you see your radiant wonderful-ness (lol) shows to everyone you socialize with and or work with ;)...

    going to jess and shawns house today was so awesome. i am happy for them, to see all of their new unused baby stuff was exciting. you can tell they are ready and anxious to bring their baby girl home... i cannot wait till we are ready as well... it is going to be such a wonderful time in out life.... i love you too so very much babydoll

  3. My, are AMAZING. I am beyond lucky to have you in my life xoxox I love you so much!