About 2 nights ago i found myself lost in a never ending dream! Normally I don't remember my dreams and if i do they always have something to do with someone chasing me and I am always hiding or running! Weird i know but you should ask Josh about his dreams LOL. ..Ok back to my dream! Everyone knows that Becky and I were best friends for years. I mean we did everything together! When she had both her babies i was there to help her raise them when their dad was being a complete jerk. I watched those girls while she went to school, i would pick them up and take them to do fun things (Sometimes with Becky not even being there because she had to study) I saw them often and I looked forward to it. Becky was the only girlfriend i ever opened up to (aside from my girl Amy who lives in New York now : (....) i could always be me around her and not have a care or worry in the world about what other people thought! To be honest i really didn't care about having other girl friends when she and I were friends because i already had everything that was important to me in my life and having her as that good of a friend was more than enough.
You see, Becky and i were extremely close during the time i was in a very unhealthy relationship. I was not happy with the guy i was with but having her there for me kind of filled in that little void. When Josh and I started dating our friendship started changing. Josh and i have ALWAYS been very close. He was my best guy friend before we were in a relationship and so hanging out with him was like hanging out with any best friend! I'm sure you get where I'm going with this, eventually all my time was spent on Josh and Becky started hanging out with people in whom i really didn't care for. Things happened and we eventually ended our friendship. One night, 6 months later (after a few drinks with josh at the outback) i told Josh how much i missed her and the girls!!! He drove me to her house with 2 big stuffed animals he had just won me at the OC fair and the plan was to drop them off on her porch for the girls with a note. I was not ready to face her... (A lot of hurtful things had been said and done when our friendship ended and i wasn't sure she'd accept my apology). We pull up to her house and she is home, i decide that i might as well face her now since i can't really hide two big stuffed animals without her seeing or hearing me out the window of her room! To shorten this up we hugged, cried, made-up and gave our friendship a 2nd chance. That lasted about 8 months. We had another fall out in regards to my wedding summer of 2008 and have not spoken to each other since that day. It has been over a year now since I've spoke or seen Becky and i am sad to say i miss her terribly...That brings me to my dream! So i keep having this dream about her and the girls. I see them all the time in my dreams and all we are doing is exactly what we always did when we were friends! Hanging out at my dad's house, painting our toes, watching movie marathons and eating hot cheetos, making mai tai's and martini's, taking sill pictures etc....! I'm sure the reason I'm having these dream is because of how much i miss her and i don't talk about her often because josh doesn't think she deserves a friend like me after the whole wedding incident. I have tried contacting her a few times and i get no response. There is not much more i can do other then remind myself that God knows what he is doing and maybe our friendship has ran its course already.....
I look at how extremely happy i am now compared to back then when i was with someone else and her and i were friends. My life is so different now.... I'm 100% happy in all areas of my life and back then i was only 50% happy with my life. I have learned to forgive and love unconditionally all because of josh; he has brought out the best in me! As much as I miss her I also try and look at how busy i am now...do i have time to be the friend i was before? Josh is my best friend now I tell him everything I don’t even know if I would have room for someone else anymore! ...I don't think Becky and I will ever be friends again. Too much time has passed and like i said i have already made an attempt. I do want her to know that i miss her dearly and i hope the best for her and those girls. There isn't a thing i wouldn't do for them still to this day......
You see, Becky and i were extremely close during the time i was in a very unhealthy relationship. I was not happy with the guy i was with but having her there for me kind of filled in that little void. When Josh and I started dating our friendship started changing. Josh and i have ALWAYS been very close. He was my best guy friend before we were in a relationship and so hanging out with him was like hanging out with any best friend! I'm sure you get where I'm going with this, eventually all my time was spent on Josh and Becky started hanging out with people in whom i really didn't care for. Things happened and we eventually ended our friendship. One night, 6 months later (after a few drinks with josh at the outback) i told Josh how much i missed her and the girls!!! He drove me to her house with 2 big stuffed animals he had just won me at the OC fair and the plan was to drop them off on her porch for the girls with a note. I was not ready to face her... (A lot of hurtful things had been said and done when our friendship ended and i wasn't sure she'd accept my apology). We pull up to her house and she is home, i decide that i might as well face her now since i can't really hide two big stuffed animals without her seeing or hearing me out the window of her room! To shorten this up we hugged, cried, made-up and gave our friendship a 2nd chance. That lasted about 8 months. We had another fall out in regards to my wedding summer of 2008 and have not spoken to each other since that day. It has been over a year now since I've spoke or seen Becky and i am sad to say i miss her terribly...That brings me to my dream! So i keep having this dream about her and the girls. I see them all the time in my dreams and all we are doing is exactly what we always did when we were friends! Hanging out at my dad's house, painting our toes, watching movie marathons and eating hot cheetos, making mai tai's and martini's, taking sill pictures etc....! I'm sure the reason I'm having these dream is because of how much i miss her and i don't talk about her often because josh doesn't think she deserves a friend like me after the whole wedding incident. I have tried contacting her a few times and i get no response. There is not much more i can do other then remind myself that God knows what he is doing and maybe our friendship has ran its course already.....
I look at how extremely happy i am now compared to back then when i was with someone else and her and i were friends. My life is so different now.... I'm 100% happy in all areas of my life and back then i was only 50% happy with my life. I have learned to forgive and love unconditionally all because of josh; he has brought out the best in me! As much as I miss her I also try and look at how busy i am now...do i have time to be the friend i was before? Josh is my best friend now I tell him everything I don’t even know if I would have room for someone else anymore! ...I don't think Becky and I will ever be friends again. Too much time has passed and like i said i have already made an attempt. I do want her to know that i miss her dearly and i hope the best for her and those girls. There isn't a thing i wouldn't do for them still to this day......
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